Read my previous post first for an overview of the Enneagram, even if you are familiar with it.
Enneagram 3s are known as the achievers, the performers, and the initiators. Like Enneagram 2s, they want to be loved, but 3s instead seek to succeed in the world to earn that admiration and love. 3s feel like what they do has a value worthy of love more than the relationship aspect of helping someone on a personal level to acquire love like the 2s focus on. You will often find 3s very successful, but they do it for others instead of themselves. They are people-pleasers, skillful at adapting to audiences (groups of people instead of individuals) and giving the people around them the version of themselves that is wanted at the time to prove their value.
Enneagram 3s are busy, productive, and entrepreneurial. They seek to be as efficient as possible, often multitasking without difficulty. Think about them being on time and under budget. They can even be impatient and insensitive to others who slow them down. 3s love setting goals and planning for the future. They live by checklists. They may, however, define themselves by what they do and achieve instead of who they are. They are prone to becoming workaholics. They often will only connect with emotions and show up deeper in relationships once their tasks are complete. Because of this, they can struggle with authenticity and sincerity. They can also be competitive and strive to be the best at what they do, often letting their feelings take a back seat since they are always in doing mode. They love adding to their resume with an inner motive to receive praise for what they do. They care more about prestige and the appearance of success than other Enneagram types. All numbers can reach the same levels of success, but Enneagram 3s will make it known. They often put on a confident exterior as an aggressive number, but they can be sensitive to perceptions of the image they present outwardly. Therefore, they pick and choose what they share. They ultimately seek approval from others whether they let you know that or not. They thrive on positive feedback, but failure can be devastating.
Enneagram 3 is the number that I think thrives best in the United States. The American culture very much rewards the behavior of 3s and allows them to succeed in the often competitive and fast-paced work environments and on social media.
3s move to the space of Enneagram 9 in stress and Enneagram 6 in security.
3s are stressed when something goes wrong. They will shut down, become less productive, and procrastinate with paralysis for decision-making. They need to enter the space of 9 to be at peace with what they view as a failure and instead feel as if their misstep is insignificant in the context of their life. In an unhealthy move to 9, they may withdraw and feel shame, only emerging when they get enough encouragement from others.
3s enter security when they feel accepted by others. They enter the space of 6, enabling them to be more grounded and shift their focus to the community while seeking more success on a broader scale than just their endeavors. You can see how 3s in security can change the world!
3s are feeling dominant and feeling repressed. It is unique of 3 numbers (the others are 6 and 9) to be dominant and repressed in the same action. 3s encounter the world by taking in feelings, which tell them what to think and do, but they often do not react effectively to the world with their emotions. They may even have unproductive feelings that they cannot express.
Enneagram 3s are known as the chameleon of the Enneagram since they are clever and can adapt to changing expectations. Unhealthy Enneagram 3s are sometimes compared to peacocks because of their showiness and actions aimed at eliciting reactions.
Takeaway: 3s reach for success to feel loved. What they accomplish makes them feel valuable.
Growth potential: Work on showing vulnerability to others.
Learn more about Enneagram 3s in the First Line episode here.
Share this post with the 3s in your life! If you think you are a 3, share this with everyone you know so they can understand your unique view of the world!
For further resources about the Enneagram, I recommend the Enneagram: A Christian Perspective (Richard Rohr) and The Road Back to You (Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile).